We always hear about consistency, willpower, and going the extra mile, like it's a feather in our cap. It’s rampant even in the writing circles. Don't get me wrong, I’m not saying it isn’t a great thing, but I learned that there’s a fine line we shouldn’t cross.
I used to wear the saying, ' Where there is a will, there is a way,’ like a badge on my chest because it’s everything I stand for. It is an admirable trait, and, to a large part, it is. It is part of the growth mindset. I have this trait not in small ounces but in gallons, which is beautiful but also dark/dangerous if done on overdrive or not done mindfully.
I never give up or like to accept that something is broken, impossible, or if there’s no way out of a situation. I’m stubborn, like my dad, and don’t take no for an answer.
The good side
The good side is that you let no person or situation come in between your goals. You are resourceful.
Sometimes, you bend backwards and out in shape to make things happen. You do all the tricks in the book: read, research, talk to other people, get their opinions, and connect with others.
You have the drive, determination, and willingness not to let any challenge bring you down, and you are optimistic that everything is solvable, salvageable, or can be sorted out.
The dark side
The dark side begins when you don’t know when to stop or when to say it’s not worth the time, effort, or energy to do it. When you cannot determine or gauge how important the thing/ situation/ person is to you and whether such an amount of steely determination is required is when this saying tilts to the negative.
Why is it important to understand this thin line?
With maturity and age, I’ve learned it is critical because if I didn’t gauge the significance of things and how much resources I want to invest in them, it would mean that I would spend my resources on things that don’t matter to me or are not deserving of my time and attention.
This skill is huge and was a long learning curve because, without this skill, you can end up becoming a donkey carrying the load without knowing why you are carrying it in the first place, what is the point of it, who it is going to serve and if you are you getting valued and appreciated for doing it.
It also makes you susceptible to manipulation by others. Because they know it’s something you enjoy doing, you may end up doing other people’s work.
I have learned that we have given precious resources like time, energy, effort, and relationships. We must use this wisely and in things that matter to us, dear. If we don’t, we will spend them on things that don’t matter to us, and by the time we get to the things that matter to us, we are left tired, exhausted, and without energy, which is a shame on various accounts.
It also makes us resentful that others have not appreciated what we have done, and the person we have helped sometimes feels resentful because by rushing in to ‘rescue or sort them out, we have implicitly not trusted them and their abilities.
Before I rescue or try to fix something, I ask myself if it is worth my time, effort, and energy and to what extent I want to use it. I then utilize my energies only to that extent.
If it still doesn’t work or gets fixed, I may try harder for extra measure. If it still doesn’t, I pause and give myself time to reflect on it—whether it deserves more of my resources or is it time to let go, allow someone else to do it, hand over the reigns to someone else capable hands, or just let go of it.
The most important lesson I’ve learned is to determine when to let go and at what point.
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