Do you find yourself getting stuck in some areas of your life? Do find that things seem like they’re moving a bit, but you hit a spot-and you find yourself back to square 1.
You keep meeting old friends with -excuses, doubts, and fears about whether the plan is worth it, and then everything comes to a grinding halt.
The best way to move around a stuck area or to master life is to ensure that your two sides work in harmony, collaborate, and as a team.
Two sides, huh? What do you mean?
We all have two sides to us-
The responsible or rational or logical side, and
Our survival side.
The survival side of us is the one that doubts, fears and comes up with excuses. It is done with the best of intentions because it wants to keep us safe. It’ll do everything to keep us safe. Anything that threatens the status quo, even for the best, will trigger the flight or fight response and get us to react instead of respond. It triggers all unpleasant feelings, lack, fear, and excuses. They all sound legitimate, valid, and with loads of logic and reasoning.
Some of them may be:
I have no time. It’s too expensive, It can’t happen, It’s too dangerous, etc.
So, how do we work with it?
One side wants to grow, get creative, and succeed, while another wants to keep us safe and stuck in the status quo.
What do you do when two friends have opposite views? You get them to collaborate and work, using each of their strengths. We do the same with any decision we make in life.
Collaboration with two conflicting sides is the best way to make a headway.
So how do we do it?
Understand the feeling side—what threatens it and makes it scary. Be compassionate with it and learn how to make it more manageable.
The feeling side is a great feedback mechanism and an essential part of the human experience. But it should never be in the driver’s seat when making important decisions. We cannot make it the captain or chief of the ship who can steer the direction of your life.
It’s like giving a child throwing tantrums because they cannot communicate their feelings, issues, etc., the lead role in making family decisions. It is preposterous to assume that children can make those decisions or have the capability to take on so much responsibility.
So, while we are compassionate with the feeling side and give it its time in the court, the onus of taking responsibility is with the rational side of ourselves.
So, what do we do in such situations?
Let’s look at the family as a unit -when a child is highly strung and throwing tantrums. We can be compassionate and hear the child’s feelings, giving them a safe space to be seen, held, and heard. However, the onus of making a suitable, secure, and beneficial decision for the child should always be on the shoulders of the caregiver or the adult. Adults have the prefrontal cortex functioning more and have more capacity to analyze and make decisions. However, we should consider the child’s feelings, or it sabotages other areas of our life.
We use the same rationale in life. We can hear the fears, the apprehensions, etc., take that into account, and be compassionate about it, but the responsible side of us has to be in the driver’s seat and make life decisions. We cannot let fear and emotions stall the show from going on.
So, here are seven things that you need to do to learn how to collaborate
Clarity -is knowing what is important to you and in what order- work, home, family, health, etc.- and how much time you want to allocate or invest in each of these parts of your life. Knowing how much resources you have or are comfortable to expend on each of these activities is also essential.
Knowing our limitations: It is essential to be realistic because you can’t possibly do everything. Some aspects may need to remain the same or undergo little changes to ensure you are not overwhelmed or burnt out. When we are overwhelmed or burnt out, we don’t make the best decisions and cause unnecessary wear and tear on our bodies.
Planning — With strategic planning, we can do what’s best possible. It is necessary to plan what the day should look like. It could include time for work, health, family, and other crucial aspects of your life and have firm boundaries with it. It would help if you also had a fair idea of what part of the day you want to dedicate to which aspect of your life.
Discipline -the ability to follow the set plan and the commitment to do what you decide is vital. Without execution, everything is a pipe dream. It is essential to follow it to the T daily whether you ‘feel like it or not. Only when the rubber hits the road will the car move. Till then, it is sitting pretty in your driveway unused, collecting dust. Until then, the theory and idea are in your head, but you see the transformation only when you take action, no matter how small.
Taking Embodied Action -Moving the needle is essential, no matter how difficult it may seem. Daily, the movement may seem insignificant, but all action has a cumulative effect, and suddenly, you see the wheels in motion. A year later, you notice that you’ve created something grand and spectacular. But everything will stay the same until you don’t do the boring stuff, the simple day-to-day task that seems monotonous and pointless.
Time for leisure- All work and no play makes Jack dull. So, making time for fun, leisure, and rest is essential. Giving yourself time to rest, rejuvenate, and rewind is also an important skill. It keeps the body in harmony and prevents it from going into flight or fight mode, helping you make better decisions. In planning, it is essential to carve out specific time for rest, rejuvenation, and unwinding so that you have time to recharge and work at optimal best.
Communication and negotiation. Is everything sorted out? No! We’ll keep getting stuck and having setbacks. It’s part of life. So, we have to rinse and repeat the cycle. Keeping clean communication and negotiation with both sides through journaling or any other way that works for you is essential. Use your feelings side for feedback and as your ally. Do you need more time? Is the plan too much? Are you obsessing over one thing? Use that information to help you make better decisions.
These skills are helpful regardless of what you want to do in life, whether it is home life, working life, new ventures, starting an exercise routine, or a new regime.
In what area of life do you feel stuck?
Want to learn how to make mindful decisions? Click here for Journaling with Intention — an online course or E-book that teaches Journaling Practices to clarify your desires and vision, navigate your stuck areas, and create the life you want.