Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives, Choice, not chances determines your destiny’- Aristotle
I just spoke to a banker friend today. It’s been a while since I quit the corporate world and worked as a Self-employed Finance Professional. But she continues being a banker. When I asked her how working life was, she quickly said. ‘ I have to feed my family and pay the bills!’
How many times have we used such reasons to justify staying in a job that doesn’t make our hearts sing?
Reasons such as these make absolute sense, but they can keep us imprisoned or chained to a draining life. It makes us settle for less than we deserve. We can play hide and seek all we want, but it only takes us in circles. We can try changing jobs, but it doesn’t help either. It only puts the problem under the rug. This tactic may offer a ray of hope in the beginning, but the same familiar feeling of unfulfillment crops up once again throttling us.
I have been in a similar situation in the past so I am not condescending about my friend’s decision. I am more empathic because I know how choices like these can steal the joy out of your life, suck your energy and leave you hanging for dry- till you have literally nothing to stand for- except for that same logical reason which you have been carrying like a noose on your neck.
So, why do we believe these reasons:
Fear: Most of us make choices out of fear. Our Reptilian brain loves safety and hates to threaten the status quo. It gives safety a priority because of our tribal-caveman instincts to keep us alive. While those instincts are handy in life-threatening situations like being eaten by an animal or run over by a bus, changing our status quo is not that dangerous. But our Reptilian brain cannot comprehend it. We only see all the possible downfalls of giving up the job because the security it offers keeps us hostage. Who in their right mind would leave a job that provides a lot of perks?
Our valid reasons and excuses are just fear talking. We are afraid to change, to ruffle feathers, to take a stand for ourselves, to make ourselves first, to make it about us.
Lack self-awareness
We lack awareness of what we want out of life and are afraid, to be honest about it.
If I use myself as an example, the reason I was unfulfilled in my earlier roles was that I did not work on my terms. I always wanted to have flexible working so that I could live the rest of the hours of the day doing the other things I love. But my working life did not reflect that.
In retrospect, if I were aware of what I wanted and dared to be honest about it, it would have helped me shape the direction of my career. By being unaware, I not only betrayed myself but also didn’t support my needs and wants in the entire scheme of things.
We forget to put ourselves in the equation when we make decisions
We always put others ahead of us, whether it is the family we earn for, the employer who pays or, the colleague who takes advantage of us. While it is a noble thing to do, it cannot be the sole reason for sticking to a job that doesn’t work for us. When we put our needs and wants in the equation and ask ourselves what we want out of our life/job, we can shape the direction we want it to take.
My aha moment?
Awareness
One day, in boredom and utter frustration, I wrote down on a piece of scrap paper the description of what my ideal job would look like. It went like this- I was working in a finance-related job, with flexible hours, where I controlled the hours so that besides working I could spend more time with my kids, and family, enjoy my friends, read, write, eat healthily, and make a decent amount of money.
Yup, it was all a day daydream, but only when I wrote that lofty idea on a scrap piece of paper did my life plan come right in front of me — That’s when everything came together, and I went about shaping it according to that plan.
Natalie Blow in The Powerful Science Behind Intention says that The power of intention can change the shape of our brains. This process is known as neuroplasticity — the brain’s soft and interchangeable potential is stimulated through the repetition of a particular behavior. The more we repeat a positive intention or general positive behavior; the more likely our brain is to reorganize its neurons in our favor. Through cultivating healthy intentions, we are now learning that we have the power to shape our brains in more adaptive and beneficial ways
Take aligned action
I soon started working three days a week with a broker- I have to admit it wasn’t as unfulfilling as I would have liked it to be, but it gave me the rest of the things I wanted. With the time I had, I started enriching myself with my hobbies. I started reading books on spirituality, Psychology, and Philosophy. Soon I also felt inspired to write, and I did it on a small scale. As I did that, I figured I wanted to work independently and be the captain of my ship. As I introspected on that desire, I realized that I had already been in the mortgage industry, through various banks for over 15 years. It was time to be my boss!
I got certified and licensed as a Mortgage Adviser and became a self-employed professional and a partner in my business.
Now, I am doing the job I love, at my hours, earning enough money, and yet having time to do the rest of the things that fulfill me. I’ve started a blog and write to inspire people to live life on their terms.
I have learned the key to having the career that you love is to know what you want, and then strategically act in that direction. If we don’t, we allow others to make that decision for us.
Who would you like to be the captain of your life?
So, I ask you, what do you want out of life today? What are your career ambitions and plans? Jot it all down on paper and let your mind do the rest of the magic. A scrap piece of paper with my words of wisdom changed my life. I would love for it to change yours. Don’t be a victim of circumstance; be an agent of change in your career.