Is Your Ladder On The Right Wall?
Are you following what lights you up or are society's expectations of you driving your life decisions?
What if you climb fast on the ladder of life, only to find out it is on the wrong wall? Isn’t it wiser to be more to more self-aware?
A few years ago, I reached a personal milestone, a goal I had desperately waited to achieve for a long time.
As I journeyed through that goal, I had a picture in my head that went like this: I was at the goal post, which looked like a finishing line at a car racing event, and I was standing there, exhilarated and cheered on by a whole load of spectators.
My heart was pounding with excitement, and I felt radiant with glory and pride as a crowd who loved and adored me surrounded me. I had accomplished everything I wanted, and the sound of the resounding claps in my ears filled my heart with pride.
The reality was a lot different. I was standing alone, with no spectators, no crowd, just good old me, tired, exhausted, overwhelmed, and unappreciated, wondering why I wasn’t feeling all the things I thought I would!
Don’t get me wrong, I was proud of achieving my goal, but deep inside, I felt like somebody had plunged a knife into my heart. I felt breathless like I was slipping into a deep well of darkness.
I wanted to cry in pain and howl, for I felt like I had lost a part of myself -like I sold myself to the devil. But I had not done anything wrong. On the contrary, I had checked all the essential boxes I had to tick. I had matched it and done it exceptionally well- only to lose myself.
I was shocked by reality, and I felt myself plunging further into darkness. However, I had two little ones to take care of who were utterly dependent on me while my husband worked overseas. I knew I couldn’t plunge anymore and had to pull myself out of that pit if that was the last thing I had to do! For they deserved better.
It was the first time I acknowledged I was doing something wrong. Until then, I had successfully kidded myself that I knew it all, but I now knew there was some deep digging to do. Well, I don’t think I had any other option because if I didn’t, I would have sunk deeper into the abyss.
So, I dug deep, hard, and deep to understand what it was. I soon started questioning a lot of the decisions I made until then. I realized that some of them were not the best.
I did some in fear. In many, I had ‘settled for less’ than I deserved. I also realized that I intensely struggled to say ‘No’, suffered from immense guilt if I did, and felt that it was my job to ‘help/rescue’ others.
After overextending myself, I would feel unappreciated. All this brought a lot of rage and intense resentment to the surface. I oscillated between anger and resentment and calm, and I was too erratic.
I knew I needed a lot of quiet time to make sense of all this gamut of emotions I was entangled in. Probably a month in the Himalayas would have been ideal for soul-searching, but I was alone with two kids, and I knew it was a distant dream. So, I had to find my Himalayas in my house in London as soon as possible before I could feel myself slipping away.
I started on a journey of self-discovery with a vengeance. I resorted to my old friends, which I had neglected for two decades: books and writing.
I sat down and described what I felt. I felt that somebody had cut a part of me, and that feeling left me gasping for air.
I googled that feeling and came across a coach who wrote about how we exile parts of ourselves that we think are not essential. He gave a couple of examples to bring home the point. It made sense to me, and it described how I was feeling.
That led me to a healing coach who helped me integrate and reconcile with myself. I also started reading books on assertiveness and co-dependency, and in the beginning, it all made sense cognitively, but I still did not know how to apply it in the real world.
Slowly, I started writing and journaling practice. I soon figured out what I wanted in life and why and took steps to make those changes.
I realized that I love to write, read, spend time with my family, relax, and work for myself on my terms.
Soon enough, taking baby steps, I could start working as a self-employed finance professional in my firm on my terms. Because I had to manage my time, I could do the other things I love, like reading, writing, spending time in nature, spending adequate time with my family, etc.
I also learned to say’ No’ effectively, build boundaries, and consider my needs. It was a long road, but I started the journey. I dug deep into psychology and spirituality and have interacted with many people on these topics.
The most important thing is to be more intentional about what one is in life. I realized there was no point in climbing the ladder and finding out later in life that it was on the wrong wall.
It is essential to know what lights you up and start moving your life in that direction. It creates less hurt, aches and pains, and agony when we live with intention. You may slip and fall and get scrapes on the way, but it is worth it.
Stephen R Covey said, “If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take gets us to the wrong place faster.”
Where would you like it to be? It’s time to take action in that direction
Journaling is an important tool. Click here for Journaling with Intention — an online course that teaches you Journaling Practices to clarify your desires and vision, navigate areas you are stuck in, and create the life that you wan