Discovering The True Meaning of Self-Care
Embracing Self Love, Setting Boundaries and Prioritising Your Well-Being.
For a long time, I thought self-care was overrated. I thought it was about being indulgent or part of the entitled mindset. It meant going for endless spas without considering whether it was cost-effective or how it fit into people’s budgets or lifestyles. I also thought that self-care was equivalent to selfishness and inconsideration. I felt it was selfish to put one’s needs ahead of others, for aren’t we supposed to be nice and kind human beings? To sum it up, it didn’t go well with me.
But through my various experiences in life, I realized that self-care was not superficial like I thought it was. It was more than that. Self-care is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. It is one of the highest forms of self-love, where we appreciate ourselves as much as others. Treating ourselves equally to others and not one up or one lower than others means taking responsibility for ourselves and others.
So, let us dive into what self-care is.
It is defending ourselves, keeping ourselves a priority, and committing to being our ally throughout life instead of continually undermining or treating ourselves as 2nd class citizens. It means treating ourselves with reverence, compassion, love, and kindness. Because only when we can do it ourselves can we do it to others. The extent to which we take care of ourselves is the extent that we can take care of others.
Let’s see some ways we can practice self-care:
Say No- When we are pushed around or asked unreasonable requests, whether professionally or personally, standing up for ourselves, being our ally in such times by saying no, we won’t do it is self-care. The reason we do not want to do it is not important. The act of honoring our wishes and feelings and paying heed to them is the act of self-care.
Setting limits- I always believed that when someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the left, as quoted in some religious texts, which means to be the bigger person. I still believe in the same. But when someone pushes your boundaries or takes advantage of your large-heartedness, setting limits in such circumstances is essential to defend yourself. When a grizzly bear attacks you, you wouldn’t want to be lunch, would you? In the same way, setting limits is like self-defense. Sometimes, it means ending toxic relationships. It is an act of self-respect when you put a limit on unacceptable behaviors. The first time I set a limit on a friend, our friendship ended, but I gained a huge part of myself in the bargain.
Knowing your boundaries: Knowing your limit and how much is acceptable is self-care. It helps you understand what you can and cannot do. When I set boundaries with a relative that I would not accept such behavior anymore, I was defending myself, taking care of myself, and being my ally. Initially, it is tough for people to accept the change in you, but that’s okay because we all deserve to be aware of our boundaries.
Take a break- When you are exhausted and have worked your butt off, but the work is still piling on, self-care means saying that your health and body need a priority and letting that work wait. You can do it after you rest.
Time for reflection/introspection- Reflecting on life choices and current affairs is self-care. When we ask pertinent questions, we prioritize ourselves and take responsibility for our life choices and decisions. Here, we don’t place the blame for our life situations and play the victim; instead, we take the onus for our lives. Questions for reflection include: why are we always tired? What needs a tweak in our life to make the change? Is our life going in the direction we want, and if not, what changes can we make?
Self-acceptance- Accepting all our sides, then nerdy, dull, non-socially accepting sides, is also another form of self-care. When we accept all sides of ourselves, the good, bad, and ugly, we honor all parts of ourselves and don’t end up sidelining another. Society teaches us to love only our good sides and label other parts of ourselves useless. Some labels we use are lazy, unproductive, boring, nerdy, clean freak, dumb- The list goes on. It is radical self-care when we accept all our supposed flaws and own them without belittling them.
Self-forgiveness for the times we have not stood up for ourselves, for the times we have sold ourselves short, allowed ourselves to be taken advantage of, and undermined ourselves, is self-care.
Being assertive- Asking for what you want without feeling guilty for asking or without second-guessing and doubting if your needs are valid or unreasonable is also self-care
Asking for help- when you can’t do something and accepting that you are not Mr or Miss- knows it all relieves the pressure that we put on ourselves. Taking help from others is also self-care.
Depending on/Counting on others- for companionship, sharing ideas, and building connections are healthy ways to co-exist in society and an essential self-care ritual. Living in isolation and distrust of others leads to the betrayal of self and denies the opportunity to build healthy relationships and to evolve.
Being imperfect: Lowering the bar and not expecting perfection in everything we do is also self-care. Sometimes, we chase perfection endlessly, leading to procrastination and the fear of leaving our comfort zone. Accepting imperfections allows us to give ourselves breathing space.
Occasional indulgences- like a guilt-free treat or a vacation and spa are also forms of self-care.
Doing the things you love is also self-care, as it enriches us and makes us whole. I spend a lot of time reading or writing and enjoy it for the pure bliss of it.
Self-care is akin to self-responsibility and self-love. We all have a small pedestal for ourselves, filled with the garland of self-love, self-care, and self-respect. It is when we give ourselves time to acknowledge our needs and wants and provide them with a listening ear we do ourselves the essential service. A saying goes like this -In a world that thrives on self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act. Be that rebel. Indulge in self-care.
Thanks for reading