At What Point, Do We Become Prisoners of Our Work?
When Can Hard Work And Busyness Be A Distraction?
I love good detective stories and have watched most of them. I love watching Vera, a detective series on BBC-I Player and ‘A Touch of Frost, ‘about Detective Inspector Frost on ITV. Both are detective mysteries, each around a two-hour episode with plot twists and turns. They eventually solve the case.
Besides the story, I love characters like Vera and Frost. They are both dedicated to their work.
I’m all for hard work.
I’m not one of those who believe that things happen magically on their own or fall into your lap in a happy accident. Yes. That happens, but more often than not, they result from hard work and effort.
Being a hard worker is great flex. I love people who have a great work ethic. But at what point do we become prisoners of work?
They portray Vera as a middle-aged woman, around 50 years old. She is strong, independent, and fiercely protective of others, to her detriment. She fights for a cause and has an inspiring and aspirational purpose of caring for the vulnerable.
Frost is also a middle-aged man of 50 years whose wife recently died. His life revolves around his work, but his personal life could be better. He meets people he could potentially be in a relationship with, but his fears of intimacy and connection get the better of him.
Folks like Vera and Frost have always been my role models because they are strong, competent, capable, loving, generous, and think of others to a fault. What not to like?
But I’ve realized that characters like these in real life or fiction neglect themselves and their needs. They’ve got demons that don’t get the time of the day because they are so outward and other-focused. It is an extraordinary trait. If we all were generous like that, the world would be a better place to live in.
But if life was so simple. In the complex world that we live in, when we overwork and focus outwardly, it has consequences in our personal lives.
In Vera’s case, she neglects some health concerns; she lives alone in a house secluded from mainstream life. She doesn’t have time for herself—her home, health, or other personal needs. She picks up food on the go as she doesn’t have time to cook. Vera thinks dressing is frivolous, and when she earns a medal for her outstanding work, she doesn’t go to the ceremony because she feels she did nothing exceptional and just did her job.
Frost’s life is no better.
We’ve all grown up cliches like hard work is the key to success and work is worship. These cliches are great, but if we focus only on work and lose sight of other essential things, it may be time to dial it down a bit.
The productivity culture could do us better. Instead of teaching us to become like hamsters on a treadmill, working nonstop, we should be encouraged to pause and reflect if we need to make any tweaks in our working life. It could make us aware if we are crossing boundaries or hurting ourselves.
Vera and Frost use work to hide from their problems and unresolved feelings. Many strong and loving people use work to keep their demons at bay. They struggle to deal with their raw feelings and emotions, so they focus all their attention on work or others with similar needs. Karpman calls these people the Rescuers- always on a white horse, ready to save the day.
Such stereotypes promote the myth that excessive working without boundaries is normal. They exalt and venerate hard, efficient workers who neglect themselves or their lives. They also perpetuate the myth that working excessively without boundaries is okay. Having a life outside of work is described as a luxury that only a few irresponsible people can afford.
Sometimes, like Vera and Frost, we use work and busyness as a distraction to mask/ hide ourselves, our feelings, desires, and vulnerabilities.
How do we do that?
Instead of facing our feelings, we numb them by working excessively and being busy.
We use work and busyness to distract ourselves from what we want and then give excuses we have no time.
We may fear rejection, so we use work to hide from people. Instead of engaging with them and creating intimacy, we use it as a mask to avoid showing others our true selves, supposed flaws, and vulnerabilities by being hardworking and busy taskmasters.
When we use hard work and busyness out of fear, as a crutch, as slaves to it, or by turning the volume too high, it is a sign that we are doing it in excess.
How can we rectify it?
We can rectify taking a pause and asking ourselves important questions. Through journaling, we can explore whether we use work as a self-soothing strategy (Fear) or do it out of love.
When we do it out of fear, we fear losing something we think is important.
The following questions can help you reflect on your motives behind hard work and busyness:
What are you afraid of?
Are those fears valid? Or are they just default responses that you’ve grown accustomed to?
What can you do to bring a small change in that behaviour that will benefit you?
Journaling can help you find a way of working hard with good boundaries so that you don’t become a prisoner of work.
Don’t let excessive work deter you from pursuing intangible things like love, intimacy, connection, and being human and vulnerable.
Journaling is an important tool. Click here for Journaling with Intention — an online course that teaches you Journaling Practices to clarify your desires and vision, navigate your stuck areas, and create the life you want.